Value determination
Welcome back to our mind fitness section. If you were able to read the last article without falling asleep you might have discovered how our perception about life and everything that happen to us gets filtered through our hierarchy of values or priorities. You might have also noticed that I write with an accent just as I talk. On these writings there will be for sure some grammatical errors, changes in syntaxes and misspellings even though I try to use spell check. Anyway, to briefly review, our hierarchy of values are those things that are first most important, second most important, third most important to us and so on. If something supports our values we are open to it. If something challenges our values we close or withdraw from it. It is possible to wonder through life without knowing our true self. We unconsciously adopt beliefs and values from society that often lead us to decisions and to take steps that are not congruent with our authentic self, receiving in return challenges that only lead to the ABCs of negativity. (We will discuss further the ABCs of negativity on our next mental workout writing)Trying to live out of our hierarchy of values leads to anger and aggression, we assign blame or feel betrayed, we get challenged, criticism and might even become depress.
In order to have a fulfilled life it is very helpful to know who we are and what we want from life. The Box or I should say our awesome kick ass box is only one part of our lives. Maybe for the coaches the EFC Box involve more than one area of life. It’s their physical, their vocational and for sure will touch on their finances. For the rest of us the EFC will mainly fulfill our physical aspect even though is a strong social gathering and many times feels like a second family. To have a fulfilled life we must have a balance of all the areas of life. That balance is what makes us whole. Life is not only physical but also mental, spiritual, social, familial, vocational and financial. I know, I know, relationships! Well, put it under familial, social or even apart. It doesn’t matter, the point is that a fulfilled life it’s a balanced life. But how can we maintain balance if we don’t know what’s truly important to us? If you hear yourself saying “I don’t know what I want” or “I hate my job”. If you only get happy on Mondays during your work out you might be living out of your hierarchy of values. You might have actually adopted other people’s values or society values. An inspired life does not see difference between the days of the week. I’m not talking about if you are tired or not towards the end of the week. I’m talking about looking forward to do what you love to do. If you start your week wishing it was Friday its time to recheck your focus in life, your true purpose. As my kids were growing I tried to guide them into following their heart and not inject other people or society values. For that I used to ask them, “What is society tell you that are you supposed to do in life?” You can try this with your kids or even with adults. The usual answer is “You get born, you go to school, you have good grades, you go to college, you should be a lawyer a doctor or an engineer unless you are famous singing or in sports, then you marry a beautiful woman or a handsome man who is also a professional and you have two perfect kids that they will also have good grades, will play piano ,be great at sports, will go to church, and will be in the gifted program. You will also have a dog, a cat and huge beautiful looking house in a gated community. At the same time your wife does not have to work because you make a lot of money so when you die you can leave a lot of money for your kids”. That is the box of life and every time you try to get out of that box everybody freaks out. Or you might freak out if you see that your life is not going as its “supposed to”. My point with them was to warn them and make sure not to inject society’s value. To pursuit, their dreams, their heart. The goal is to have a fulfilled life. Not the life that you are “supposed” to. That means college or no college, make a lot of money or not, tattoo or not tattoo, get married or live with somebody. Life is a journey and you are either driving or somebody else is driving for you.
We are just about to start a new year. Just before the ball start going up on Time Square everybody reflect on the year and many people will say “I was supposed to do this or that this year” Well guess what? If your goals are not congruent with your values they will never be achieved and if you achieve them you are still not going to be fulfilled. If you don’t live within your values you might have the tendency to start many projects and never finish. You might think that there is something wrong with you and run the risk of injecting other people values. “The people that knows values” You procrastinate only on those things that do not support you values. When you inject other people values, when you don’t drive on your own life something will always be missing and you will not even know what.
So let’s explore a little bit of our subconscious to figure out what’s important to us. Our values or priorities arise from our perceived voids. What is perceived as most missing becomes most important. In other words, if we think we don’t have it, we want it. Because our values are based on our perceived voids, they will change over time. You might not want the same car that you wanted in high school or the cheerleader or stud that you had a crush on gained 40lbs so your values changed with their weight. To know what you value now in life start by looking around you. We surround ourselves with the things that are important to us. The closer the things are to us in our space the more important they are. The ones that we display for others are definitely the ones that are higher in our values. For example, some people in their personal space display pictures of their family; others might display trophies or diplomas, maybe souvenirs from traveling or a wine collection. There might be pictures of dogs or books on finances or cooking or perhaps they have 1,000 songs stored on an MP3, or 2 sets of gulf clubs. We will spend our time, energy and definitely money on those things that fulfill our values. The higher something is in our hierarchy of values the more disciplined and organized we are. The garage might be a mess but if beauty and personal appearance is important you will have your shoes organized in boxes or the clothing in the closet organized by color. We constantly think about those things that are important to us. It could be your kids or even your puppies. We envision and visualize and maintain and internal talk about our highest values. This could be the opening of a business or even the possibility of getting married. We will set goals and feel inspired by those things that support our values. It might be completing an Rx works out or be able to climb the rope, it could be to have record braking sales in your company or get an X number of new clients every quarter. Last but not least. We love to learn about those things that support our values.
Whether we like it or not our external world is a direct reflection of our internal world. The Demartini Value determination process is based on the fact that what our life shows, not what we say, reveal our values. Answer these 13 questions honestly and you will have an insight into what is truly important to you at this time in life. For every question give three answers. You will see how many answers are repeated or they fall within a common area of life, let’s say physical, familial or vocational for example. Add up those ones that are repeated and determine, based on numbers, the order of importance. If you have any questions its Ok to ask me, but not during the WOD when I’m trying to keep my oxygen saturation close to normal and can only think about no falling.
1 How do you fill your space? _______ _______ _______
2 How do you spend your time?
3 How do you spend your energy?
4 How do you spend your money?
5 Where are you most organized?
6 Where are you most disciplined?
7 What do you think about the most?
8 What do you envision or visualize most?
9 What do you talk to yourself about the most?
10 What do you talk to others about the most?
11 What do you set goals towards the most?
12 What are you inspired by the most
13 What do you like to learn?
Why is it useful to know your hierarchy of values? When you live within your hierarchy you live an inspired life. On the next mental work out we will discuss how not living within your values or expecting to live other people values or even expecting them to live within yours can bring into your life major conflicts. Both, internal and external conflicts, with spouses, clients, coworkers, neighbors etc. If you are enjoying this mental fitness work out please let me know or let the coaches know so we can continue trying to also enrich the mental part of your life at EFC. Until the next one, Reinaldo 3, 2, 1…